I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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