She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
