do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
