Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
