She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
