If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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