I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
