lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
