i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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