did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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