he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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