I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
