My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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