this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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