all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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