I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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