WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
