He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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