found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
