And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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