Welp...herpes.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
