thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
