Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
