jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
