He kissed a someone with a penis
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
