Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
