i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
