some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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