I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
