this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
