this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
