I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
