Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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