So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
