I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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