You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
