he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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