I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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