walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
