Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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