I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
