we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
