he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
