I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
