if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
