Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
