Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I'm really busy with my period
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