Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
