sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
