theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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